Lessons Learned from a Tough Childhood: Trusting God in the Storms

Joe Workman’s Full Testimony

I just want to say publicly, first and loud, that God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. I always thank God before I ask God for anything. My life has never been the same since I truly accepted God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit into my life back in the spring of 2014 when I got baptized a 2nd time. I knew what I was doing it for this go around.

Growing up till about age 18 was definitely crazy for me. My past isn't an easy one. Even as an adult, I still struggled and messed up, but not as much as when I was trying to grow into a young man. I come from a single mother who tried her best and never left us. My mother was a product of rape, and even though that is a horrible situation, my mom taught us to see the good in it since it brought life to my siblings and me.

My dad wasn't in my life growing up till about 10 years old, and even then, that was only for a couple of summers. Then 1 year, when I was 12, I tried to live with him, but that ended up being a disaster since my step mom hated me and would hit me often in the face and then tell my dad something worse, so I would get an extra whoopin. My stepmom despised me deep down for being my dad's first kid. She would tell me I'm lucky to be his oldest. I wasn't a perfect kid either, and I acted out while also hurting people. It was tough either way. There are a few good memories in there, though, still, but after I left when I was 12, we didn't stay in touch anymore. My dad and I have reconnected since his divorce back when I was 18 for a little bit, and now we have been really close since I was about 25. He is a great dad and grandpa to my family now. He visits often, and the kids love him.

As most know now, our family is big, we are 8, there is me, Eryka, Kamea, Alona, Leilani, Tahanna, Maui, Tahvion, and even an extra stepdaughter, Zoe, another extra stepdaughter, Briceyda, and a goddaughter, Athena. Each one is treated equally, loved equally, disciplined equally, and raised with equal chances, all surrounding God and his word.

As most know, I lost my mother at the young age of 46 in March 2016. I've since then watched my siblings fall hard and not fully recover. I've had to step up even more as the rock of the family now than I did before my mom passed, and it has been super tough. This last year, 2024, I have learned to focus on just mine a little more.

I took care of my mom off and on, mostly for 5 years, and with no help from my siblings for the last year and a half that she was here, while she went through pain and health problems. She had a man, but I ended up having to take him in, too. Since my Mom's passing, I've feared for both of my siblings' health and souls. I've been on both ends of good and bad and right and wrong.

I was filled with anger throughout my youth and into my young manhood stage as well and often fought anyone and everyone I could without true reasoning or hesitation. I was appointed the man of the house from a young age and had to help my mom with my younger siblings whether it was food, diaper changes and/or keeping any eye on them. My mom always called me the man of the house growing up and had expectations for me, it was a role that I look back at now and wished she hadn't put on me. I helped around the house and with anything she would need. My mom and I had a coming to moment about 2 months before she passed where we let it all out and we hugged and apologized and she told me she was sorry for making me grow up faster than I was supposed to. I also know I had to go and stay with my grandma for a year as well in the beginning of my life while my mom tried to fix her life. My mom's younger sister Aunt Louritha helped my mom out too when I was little. I know I was a disrespectful little butt to most of my elders growing up and I didn't care for most of them except a few. I've caused pain to family and friends and had pain caused to me by family and friends.

I've always put the world on my shoulders when it came to my friends and family and giving them a helping hand. I was sexually active at the age of 15 and it turned into a popularity competition for me, after which then turned into addiction. I was abused for the first time at the age of 6 by the babysitters(3 teen girls 17, 16 &14) and then again by a person who I thought was a friend and his older brother at age 10 by holding me down and forcing me. I was part of some very crazy groups of curious kids my ages multiple times growing up in the different neighborhoods we lived in, always the hood. I've seen things I should have never seen and done things I should have never done and have had things happen to me that never should have happened as a young kid. I've been through drive-bys, I've transported drugs through high schools before while being in highschool to make money, I've destroyed public property, trespassed where I shouldn't have, tagged buildings, egged and paint-balled houses done stupid dares, broken out windows, played cruel pranks and caused havoc just because. I've watched loved ones die, both young and old, on hospital beds. I've had friends take their lives. One time when we had to get a landlord to open the door to where my grandpa lived, we found him lying there cold in his apartment, dead. I watched my nephew, who was 2 months old, pass away in the hospital because his dad killed him with baby shaking syndrome. I've also been through 2 miscarriages with Eryka as well, 1 early term and 1 mid term. No miscarriage is easy. I've said things that could cripple people's confidence with ease and have been told things that made me see myself as a horrible person and then decide to play the part anyway.

I found out as I got older that friends and family members placed bets on what they thought the outcome of my life would be by age 18. Most of it wasn't good ones; like being in a gang , gay, bi, straight, in prison and/or dead. Nobody thought I would amount to anything growing up and it almost came true. They were relieved though that they were all wrong as I got older they said. I was kicked out of high school in the 10th grade due to financial reasons and some disciplinary reasons. I lost my chances at a football scholarship because of it. I started manual labor jobs at 16 that were brutal and minimum pay because of my age and would take advantage of that. I would help my mom out with what I could. I was never book smart and hated math. I don't understand computers very well either and still don't. I did however get my G.E.D at 23 all thanks to my Aunt Teresa who actually drove 8 hours to Arkansas from Houston to where I was living at the time, dragged me out of bed and straight to the G.E.D place, I was mad but it was good she did that, twice lol. I tried going to college but failed math 3 times, even with the help of tutors and books I just couldn't get it or retain it. I didn't grow up in a full home and also moved so much that I was in a different school for every school year K-10th, so I was always the new kid and a target for the bullies. My 9th grade year I had dropped out of public school to help my grandma out and finish the school year as a homeschool student.

We've stayed in hotels, with family, with friends, and in cars before. We've missed Christmases as well as some birthdays here and there. I've had a few step-dads in my early youth before I was 10 that were abusive and took many beatings for big and small things. I even took some that weren't even meant for me at times, but I had to shield my younger siblings. I would also take beatings when I would get their attention away from fighting with my mom when they would get into physical arguments and altercations. One of the stepdads even pulled a gun on us one time, while the other stepdad would grab me sometimes by the throat and put me against the wall and tell me he'd "rip off my head and spit down my throat because he was meaner than the devil" if I didn't start to act right. My stepdad always started off nice, but once my mom let them move in, it would change. I always protected my mom and would chase off any future men that would try to date her after those stepdads.

I juggled with porn addiction (started at age 8) and sex addiction (started a little after age 15), and it almost cost me my life, my wife, and my family as I got older, as I became a sex Addict. My mother exposed me to a lot at a young age, thinking it would make me more aware and safer, but instead, I became curious and troubled. I was around drugs, alcohol, inappropriate situations, and some people.

I've been replaced before in my family as the oldest son by my mom from ages 10 to 18. My brother, the middle child, was treated as her best friend and always had excuses for him when he would act up. I do know, though, that my Oma treated him badly as well in his early years. My sister was the only girl and the baby, so she was spoiled and got everything she wanted, no matter what, which was really tough for me.

I didn't get to do the things that the oldest gets to do, but instead, I was moved out of the way at age 10 by someone who was 5 years older than me, who my mom supposedly adopted, but it didn't turn out that way once they were older, because they ended up dating, supposedly when he was 17. Every time I would call them out about it growing up, I was humiliated and put down by my mom in front of anyone and everyone that might be around to see it; she would shame me for it. That person got everything while I got the bare minimum, and was kicked to the side, and I would remain there until I moved out. I would often try to fight him, but didn't do so well until I was about 15. Even when I got my butt kicked by him when I was younger, my mom still blamed me for it, and I would get in more trouble. I finally caught them when I was 18 in Tomball, TX, and was devastated and hurt and went on a rampage. I kicked the guy out of the house, and my mom would end up leaving my Oma and me to go back to Colorado, where they ended up getting back together anyway. I was left to take care of my Oma, who was on disability and kept working so that we could survive, because I wasn't leaving Eryka either.

I've been blamed for most of my actions as a bad example setter growing up for my younger siblings and cousins, since I was the oldest of them all. I let my family down by messing up my chances to keep the generational line of military continuity going, even though the military could've helped me (3 branches). I've been profiled and harassed, pulled out of my car at gunpoint, and put in cop cars plenty of times just because they could, but they were never able to get anything on me, no matter how many times they'd try by illegally searching my car or interrogating me. They always said I matched the description of some drug runners or robbers, and/or that they were looking for weapons and drugs. I've been hated on by all races growing up since I don't have a true race to claim and look different to each one, so I fought a lot of racial backlash in schools, mainly middle school and high school. I started drinking and partying a lot from age 15 till about 28. I've done and tried different types of drugs before; thankfully, I never got addicted, thanks to my love of sports and physical fitness.

I will say that one of the scariest things I've done, though, is when I almost killed my brother when we started fighting one day. We are two years apart, and we fought a lot as pre-teens and teens. I was 14 at the time, my Oma (grandma) hit me in the back of my head with her cane to break my rage and my grip on my brother's neck after we started fist fighting first, and then ended up taking him to the ground, and then started choking him. When I came to my brother was starting to turn color, after that was when I started to work on my anger a little bit more, but it was still hard to control it. I've done therapy twice because of the step dads and anger management classes twice because of my non-stop rage and fighting during my youth. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but the medicine made me mean, my mom said so, she stopped it, and that was that.

I've had 3 near-death experiences in my life. To start at age 5 when mauled to near death by a half wolf, half German shepherd dog. You could see my skull; it was so bad. I had to be flown for life from the country to the city. At age 14, when I had a big wreck racing down switchbacks on a bike in the Rocky Mountains with no safety gear, and trying to be extreme. The 3rd time, at age 28, I was in a motorcycle accident, where I was wearing no safety gear and was 5 inches from getting my head run over by a box truck. Till this day, I always wonder why I'm still here and why God spared me so many times. I always heard the 3 strike rule growing up and figured my time should've been up, and sometimes I wished it would have.

I've had to help out numerous times as a young adult with my siblings and mother, while never expecting anything in return. When I would ask for help, I'd still get the unappreciative and foul attitudes towards me, and how I thought I was better than them. I had to juggle a lot as a young man that no one should ever have to do. I saved my brother from drug use and addiction back in 2010, and saved my sister's kids from bad choices, state custody, and from going back to bad situations in their previous home conditions. Which is why we have our now daughter and son, Tahanna, for 2 and a half years, and Tahvion, for 6 months. I had to watch my sister drag herself down and hate me all the way, while calling me names and trying to slander my name and reputation as an evil brother. I still had to be there for her, though, because of the kids and because deep down she is my sister. I've struggled with religion because of my experiences growing up and with God because I felt like he let all these things happen, Not to mention the churches either because of the treatment and some of the foul things I seen happen behind closed doors and/or because I was also profiled by many churches growing up that we would try out for the first time because of how I look and/or what I would wear.

I've been the hated one plenty of times by my wife's family, throughout most of the beginning of mine and Eryka's relationship all the way up till my mom passed in 2016. Then I think they felt bad for me and started to show me some compassion. I still feel that way half the time even now though. They just put up with me for Eryka and probably judge me some because of my past addictions I had that they found out about. I've given up hope and had hope given back. I've made excuses and let some excuses go. I've turned my back on God before, have said F the big man before quite a few times and have often questioned God with the many why's in this world growing up because I never felt that love that everyone talked about. I tried to take my life a couple of times but it didn't work and I didn't know why.

We all have our own stories, and some may seem harder than others, but it's still your own story. What you make of it is up to you once you reach adulthood, and who you want to include with you while you do it. It might not be right away or as soon as adulthood starts, either. I'm glad I fully let God back into my life while trying to be a better person, servant, husband, and father.

I also let my wife in on it, and she has and will always be my guardian angel. Eryka is the calm to my beast, the positive to my negative, the light to my darkness, the air to my lungs, and the blessing to my downfalls. I always tell her she is the cement to my pillars that helps me hold the foundation up. When I look at my kids, it makes me want to be an even better dad, father figure, husband figure, male figure, and to push harder to raise them better in life, in family, in church, and through God and his word. I want my kids to be better than I ever was without having to go through what I went through. My past isn't all bad, though. Sports and a few people who were there that were somewhat steady growing up were the only positives I did have, especially my grandparents(adopted ones too). The only other positive things I can think of about my past are that I finally learned from it, so that I didn't let my kids get the same life, while also being able to teach them to be aware of the evil in this world and to be grateful for what they have, as well as doing it in a much better surrounding environment. I've also learned that teaching them at the right ages on different topics is a better approach than what I had, because not everyone has it easy. I want my kids and anyone else to know that God is merciful and can forgive anything as long as we are trying our best to live by his words and give our lives to him. I have seen so many more blessings of all types since coming to God, and a calmness over my character as well. I have loved my life more since giving my life to God. The people that God has removed and the ones he has put in place are often a little weird to me at first, but I love it because he's never wrong. I owe a lot of my growth to God, my wife, my family, and my church, CFCC.

Also, the fact that I try now to see more positives, especially in even the biggest negatives, helps my growth.

When I'm down, I always say, "God, I'm ready for the challenge." Or "if it's my time, let's do this".

I also want to add something else, but I don't talk about it very much, which is that I have been on disability since 2019 because of the motorcycle accident I had in 2014 and a few other physical incidents before and after the time frame of the accident. I am ashamed of it and often feel like a failure. I've had to miss games, events, birthdays, and get-togethers because of it. I can't roughhouse around with the kids like I used to. I feel like I have let my family down because of our living, car, and financial situations. I'm always in pain, but the pain volume is up and down day to day. Most days are somewhat manageable, but some days are bad, and then there are really bad days. My kids see me, and sometimes they get worried and/or scared about it. The two oldest understand my situation a little better. I feel like I've let my family down since I'm the reason why we can't get a house that is closer to our kids'school, church, and Drs and pretty much everything else we have going on in life. I feel awful, I can't provide more financially. I don't drive very much, either, because of an incident I had when my nerve damage acted up and almost caused me to get in a bad wreck. God was with me that day, and thankfully, nobody was hurt. My back is shot, with nerve damage in my right rib cage area that acts up when it wants to. I have two mesh areas in my abdomen that knot up sometimes. My leg still swells up when it wants to. I have horrible migraines from the 5 major concussions I had growing up, 3 of them from sports, and a few other things as well. I sometimes have to get shots in the back of my head for the migraines. The doctors say I'm pretty much just stuck like this, too, since there's not much they can do but try to manage the pain. I've tried so much, and so have the doctors, but it's tough. I am still grateful God kept me around for my family and friends, though. It's been a rough ride, but God has still been there through it all. My wife has been by my side the whole way, and my family is the reason why I make sure to keep one foot out of the grave. God has given me the ability to still be there for my wife, to watch my kids grow, to be there for Tahvion, especially because of his disabilities, and to teach my kids the way of life and how God wants us to be. I'm also grateful that I get to keep my journey going with my beautiful wife. God has been good to us, and I give all thanks to him as much as I can.

I give thanks to God and to these people who helped me through life, and I probably never realized how much they kept me from going all the way down the wrong side of the road. I can see now that God placed all these people in my life at the right time.